JUST BECAUSE

So I really have nothing to talk about in relation to the current Sabres, so what I am going to do is provide you with some good articles and videos, related to guys I love and love to hate.

But, if you don’t have a ton of time to actually sit around and be completely unproductive all day, like I have the luxury of doing this morning, if you have to pick and choose what you watch, I suggest Blackhawks TV for your viewing pleasure. It’s pretty much the best thing going these days.

Okay, are you ready? You sure?

Alright.

We’ll start with Michael Ryan. The Schenedtady Gazette had a nice article about his surprise of getting an AHL All-Star nod. (Yes, this is for you, MJ, but I’m not so sure you’ll appreciate it once you’ve reached the fourth paragraph… Unless that’s you?)

This next one is a commentary from this morning’s TBN, by Jerry Sullivan. Now, more often than not, I disagree with Sully, but I’ll give him credit where it’s due, and it’s definitely due today. John Brownschidle, son of NHL-er Jack, is a senior at Buffalo’s Canisius High School. What’s so special about him? He’s a cancer survivor.

I know it’s not Christmastime anymore, but the Rochester Americans in this trainwreck is just fantastic. There’s a blooper reel on the site, as well, which is always good.

Patrick Sharp: Sharp shooter? Or Sharp dressed man?

No way. Even Jonathan Toews knows that listening to him be mic’ed up is brutal.

No, actual Jon, listening to you and your teammates sing a song about the Blackhawks is brutal.

(Can you tell that I really enjoy Blackhawks TV??)

I adore Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish. Their cheeky shenanigans are fabulous. Ordering the boys breakfast? Soaking hotel rooms? Stealing bags? I just love guys who shamelessly act like they’re twelve. What’s worse is the team is encouraging it. No, really, I do love some good pranks.

The Carolina Hurricanes were told to make a dinosaur noise. Um… What?

Up close and personal with Steve Bernier? Okay, where do I sign up? Parts 1 and 2.

Oh, one more Blackhawks video. This one was on Sports Soup last night: Kris Versteeg filling in for Ludacris on Fergie’s “Glamourous.” Kris? Please keep your day job. Please.

And while we’re at it? Sean Avery? Ummm, plays with dolls? Somehow, I’m not surprised. Please, Sean, if you know what’s good for everyone, you won’t come back to hockey, and you’ll just go work at a doll store. (This video is edited a bit in some spots, as I’m sure you’ll notice, but it’s funny, nonetheless.)

AVERY AND LAVIOLETTE

So I had to giggle a little, okay a lot, when I saw that Avery had been suspended because let’s face it, he had it coming. After the crap he pulled against Brodeur last year and all the underhanded, nasty things he’s done to various players I’d say he deserved it. Maybe now he’ll get a full time job at Vogue and leave the hockey world in peace, we’d all be better off without him I’m sure.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the douchebag of the day.

Oh the inhumanity, what is with those glasses and that haircut this why they created shows like What Not To Wear. Somebody call the fashion police because obviously his time at Vogue taught him nothing.

In other news Carolina has relieved Peter Laviolette of his duties as head coach of the Hurricanes, which is just the polite way to say that they fired his ass. I was surprised as hell considering, as all of us here in Buffalo know, the Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup in 2006 with Laviolette as head coach. Management was disappointed that the Hurricanes had started the season 12-11-2 so they decided it was time for something new, or old. Paul Maurice the new head coach is actually an old head coach having been behind the bench as head coach in Carolina from 1995 to 2003. I guess what’s old is new again.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of One Sean Avery

Okay… Having watched the Sabres play against Sean Avery’s multiple teams numerous times, and then seeing his antics with many players throughout the league, especially those with Martin Brodeur, I can honestly say that he is one of the few players in the league that I have no respect for.

Having said that, his “method” of antagonizing other players, and thereby teams, is definitely affective. (The Good)

I don’t agree with whatever he does, because he doesn’t leave it on the ice. I stand by the principle in hockey of “leaving it on the ice.” Don’t bring an argument with other players into their personal life, or vice versa. Leave it on the ice. If you’ve got a problem with another player, drop the gloves with him. Don’t take shots at his girlfriend in the press.

That being said, I’m not entirely sure that I think a hearing should be held for Avery, or that he should miss more games, other than last night’s. I feel slapping him with a hefty fine for violating a code of conduct would suffice. Because a suspension, and the attention, is exactly what Sean wants. He wants to know that he’s getting under the skin of everyone in the NHL–the players, the coaches, the owners, the commissioner, etc. And by suspending him, and holding a hearing, he’s getting everything that he wanted. He asked for that, and the NHL is merely appeasing him, whether they realize it or not. (The Bad)

(And now, the Ugly)

Usually, when a player gets in a fight, or has words with another, their teammates will back them up. That’s the case with your Matt Barnaby’s, Michael Peca’s, etc.

But it speaks volumes about Avery when the guys he shares a locker room with are disgusted by his antics.

Brad Richards, Marty Turco, and the like all said, basically, that they’re unimpressed, disappointed, yet not shocked about anything said yesterday.

Dave Tippett, coach of the Stars, had this to say:

“I think everyone in our room believes there is an integrity that has to go along with the game, respect for the game and respect for your opponents and Sean crossed that line.

“I think the words, the words and disrespect for an opponent like that is something … there’s lots of trash talking that goes on on the ice. But then to announce something like that for everybody to hear, to me that crosses the line and the League — and our ownership felt that, too.

“Sean crossed that line. He won’t continue with us on the trip. We’ve always professed that there is nobody that’s ever bigger than our group or bigger than the team.

“Sean said something that just doesn’t paint our organization in a good light, and appropriate steps are being taken.”

I think Barnaby said it best: “As a former player, I don’t agree with the suspension. Trust me, I said a lot of nasty things to a lot of different players but everything stayed on the ice. Bringing it out in the media is classless and stupid.

“I’ve played in that organization and it is a class organization. I think he’s played his last game as a Dallas Star.”

I, for one, will not be upset in the least bit if those sentiments hold true.

Okay, seriously, I’ve got to stop this already.

There’s only so many times that my theories can be right… I mean, it’s just not a good sign for the world when I have these crazy ideas, and they actually hold true. IT’S DOWNRIGHT SCARY.

Did I not, yesterday, say that Derek probably pulled his groin while falling on the ground?

Well, my friends, I wasn’t far off. Because, after conferring with dear MJ, we’ve come to the conclusion that D’s latest ailment–BACK SPASMS–were suffered when he allowed his male counterparts (but not teammates) to carry him down Chippewa.

Geez, D, do you get any more predictable? Or outrageous?

Don’t worry, though. I still love you.

And I’m even offering to be your beard. I’ll aide you in your struggle to rebuild your reputation in the Buffalo Sabres Blogosphere, as well as mend your dignity and self-respect. And while I’m at it, I’ll work to remove all threatening pictures of you from the internet, but then proceed to share them with the Blogosphere, because I could never keep something like what we’ve shared the past couple days from them. That’d just be cruel.

You know what else is cruel? The fact that my mother said this: “Cari, we’ll know for sure that Derek’s gay when he starts dating Sean Avery.”

That’s just cruel and unusual…

But, then, would that make D some of my least-favorite fashionista’s “sloppy seconds?”

Avery, by the way, is probably the biggest tool ever known to grace the face of the Earth. That was completely uncalled for.

Oh, and has anyone heard anything about our favorite womanizer/man-whore?

Summer vacations, rooming with Royzie, and Invisible Children

When I opened my mailbox Tuesday evening, I was excited to find my new issue of The Hockey News, for some unknown reason…  Oh, wait, TRAINING CAMP STARTS FRIDAAAAYYYY!!  Anyways, the individual team reports were focused on the summer vacations of players, coaches, whomever.  Let us read:

Atlanta:  “Garnet Exelby ate black ink octopus risotto and he’s got the photo to prove it.”

My question?  Who the hell cares?

Boston:  “…[Zdeno] Chara traveled to Africa this summer, visiting Mozambique before hiking 18,650 feet up Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.” 

My question?  Why would you subject yourself to such torture?  I mean, come on, you’re already practically that tall, but go for it man.  All the more power to ya.

Buffalo:  “The Sabres coach [Lindy Ruff] got a chance to caddy on the PGA tour for longtime friend and golf professional Dudley Hart.”

My question?  Did he get paid?  And did he supply Dudley with a Happy Gilmour-esque putter, much like Derek Roy used recently?  (I would post the picture, but I can’t find it)

Dallas:  “Sean Avery spent hours pondering the outfit he would wear to his Dallas Stars introduction press conference in August and settled on an unstructured suit of madras plaid with short pants and red leather dress shoes.”

My question?  Yes, I will admit that I am envious of him because he had an internship with Men’s Vogue magazine, but what the hell did he do to deserve this internship, and how the hell can someone like him still play hockey when he admitted that he doesn’t really watch any other sport or ANY OTHER HOCKEY GAME???  Nothing, and I have no idea.  Is he ridiculous?  Borderline homosexual?  I definitely think so.

Florida:  “[Tanner] Glass was afforded a rare opportunity of a different sort when he visited his girlfriend in eastern Africa, where she was working as a nurse for an HIV/AIDS awareness organization called Project Soccer.”

My question?  Okay, so I know Kim and I used to make fun of you when we went to Amerks games because you’re actually really good looking, but you have terrible hands, but who the hell knew you were such a sweetheart?  Major props because your girlfriend is a good person.

St. Louis:  “[Cam] Janssen and his friends that the boat to the Meramec and Mississippi rivers in Missouri.  They often go exploring in the woods.  ‘One time, we found a cave,’ Janssen said.  ‘There was a sleeping bag in there and a fire still burning.  We found the guy on a sandbar.  He looked like Charles Manson.  We asked him if he was alright and he just walked back into the woods.”

My question?  If he looks like Charles Manson, and he’s living in some remote cave in a wooded area off of a large river, WHY THE HELL DID YOU TALK TO HIM AND PRACTICALLY INVITE HIM ONTO YOUR BOAT?!?  Are you absolutely insane?  You’re just asking to end up the victim of a serial killer.

San Jose:  “In August, [Jeremy] Roenick bolstered his acting resume with a role in Leverage, a new TNT TV series…  Roenick said he has friends in the industry, one of whom ‘casts me in as many things as he can because he wants me to be an actor when I’m done playing hockey.”

My question?  Am I being a bit far-fetched when I go out on a limb and say I don’t think JR will have too great of a career in acting?  I’m not too sure, so I guess I’ll have to watch Leverage.

Those were the highlights.  There were a lot of weddings mentioned, but no one of great importance or interest.  Vinny Lecavalier rehabed, as did many others (no riding camels for him this off-season), and there were a lot of baseball-related activities.  Mark Bell served his community service by picking up garbage and doing landscaping.  Meanwhile, I had a relatively uneventful summer; I didn’t go anywhere further than Rochester or Toronto, and didn’t really do anything fun, unless work falls under that category, and last time I checked, it definitely did not.

And there was a small interview with Drew Stafford; in it he mentioned that he has roomed with Clarke MacArthur and Daniel Paille, who, by the way, are both “great, but Derek Roy?  It was all about him.“  Damn straight, it’s all about him.  And can I just say how envious I am of Drew???  Well, I’m about as envious as one can get, times infinity.  And then he had to throw in a shameless plug for Invisible Children’s CD (WHICH IS FINALLY OUT!), called “Pralien.”  He considers it the best album of all time.  Click here for more info.

SIGHTING!!!  Mike Comrie (gag) and Hilary Duff were spotted at the Yankees/White Sox game last night, looking all (and by all, I mean not at all) cute.

And there was something else, but in my furious studies of sociology, anatomy, and nutrition, I seem to only be able to think of medical ailments.  How depressing, considering that fact that I don’t think I mentioned training camp, WHICH STARTS FRIDAY!!  Oh, wait, my bad.  That was the first thing I said.  I just wanted to be sure you didn’t forget.  =]