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This is by no means in defense of Derek’s performance thus far in the season.  I’m very upset with him in that regard.

I DO NOT, HOWEVER BADLY HE MAY HAVE PLAYED IN THE PAST FIVE GAMES, CONDONE SHOVING HIM UNDER A BENCH!!!  That’s absolutely disgusting!  Alex Burrows, you are on my shit list.  And as I said to Kim when I realized who was being shoved under then bench, if I see you on the streets, sir, YOU ARE DONE.  Yes, that is a threat, and no, I’m not afraid of you.

Do you, Mr. Burrows, realize how dirty the floor of the bench can be?  As much as I love them, hockey players are just like any other guy–gross.  You all spit on the bench, bleed on the bench, sweat on the bench…  Need I say more?  Would you like your face shoved in that?  I didn’t think so.  So what makes you think you can shove Derek’s face into the floor?  Oh, that’s right.  You’re just jealous that he’s got an impeccable fashion sense, he’s damn good-looking, and oh, yeah, he plays for the Sabres, who are 4-0-1, comparable to your Canucks, who are 3-3-0.  It’s easy to see why you don’t like Derek because through 82 games last year, he had 81 points, but you only had 32.  Or is it because he makes $4 million a year, and you only make $483,000?  Well, whatever it is, I still hate you.

Derek didn’t deserve this from you.  A hit, sure.  Sending him flying over the boards, okay I can live with that (1, it’s pretty funny when that happens, and 2, he’s small, so it’s plausible).  But Alex, pick on someone your own size.  Derek’s 5’9″ is hardly in the same category as your 6’1″.  Why don’t you try shoving Pat Kaleta under a bench?  That might work out better for you.  And when I say for you, I mean for me.  So work on that next time we play, okay?  Great.


As you’re all aware, the Sabres have posted the 10 Stupid Questions on the website (well, 8 of them, at least).  And as I’ve already touched on the Mary Ann and Ginger situation (I heart Pat!!).

Cabana on the beach?  Or, a cabin in the mountains?
Cabana on the beach.  Derek, Adam, Pat, and Pat, I love you guys.  I’ll sit in a cabana on the beach with you whenever you’d like, especially if it involves a trip to Cabo!  And Ryan, I like that you chose a cabin in the mountains.  That’s pretty fun too, although I like the beach more than the woods.
Chocolate?  Or, vanilla ice cream?
Chocolate ice cream.  Ryan, again, good choice.  But I’m surprised you didn’t do a write in for Berrier Breakaway.  But that’s damn good ice cream too, while I’m on the subject.  And Patty L, you’re so cute.  You picked vanilla, which I’m not crazy about, but then you justified it by saying, “You can put a lot of stuff on vanilla ice cream.  You can put chocolate on vanilla!”
Motorboat?  Or, sailboat?
It depends…  I’ve never been on a sailboat, but I’ve always wanted to go sailing.  So I guess by default I have to say motorboat, and go along with Derek, Patty K, and Adam.  I guess Derek can take me out on Love Potion #9 sometime.
Poker?  Or, blackjack?
Blackjack.  I can’t play poker; I’ve tried.  I can never remember anything.  And I’m not necessarily good at blackjack, but it’s easy.  Patty K likes it because it’s easier for him to count.  Ryan doesn’t like blackjack because he’s bad at it, but he’s bad at poker too, but not as bad.  And Patty L picked poker..
Porsche?  Or, Mercedes Benz?
Porsche.  I don’t dislike Benzes, and this was tough for me because of all the wonderful German engineering.  Porsches are just sick though.  Give me one of those and I’ll be a very, very, very happy girl (coughcough, a black Cayenne).  Although, I’d probably take Derek’s Mercedes G55, the Kommander edition, even though it reminds me of a safari wagon.  Derek was the only one who said Benz, I believe…
Mary Ann? Or, Ginger?
Ginger.  In a completely heterosexual way, I have to pick Ginger, just because she’s got red hair.  I explained this unwritten redhead code.  Patty K was the only one on my side.
Night out?  Or, home with friends?
I have to agree with Patty K, here–it depends on the day, and it depends who I’m with.  Ryan and Derek like to go out; Patty L likes to chill at home with friends, crack open a bottle of wine, and play some cards; and for Adam, it depends on how the team did the night before.  Good answer, Adam.
Athletic?  Or, voluptuous?
Athletic, obviously.  Most guys aren’t voluptuous, anyways.  But all of the guys asked (Derek, Patty K, and Adam) said athletic.  Pat offered his opinion and added that he likes “a girl that can wear a baseball cap and go out and throw a football around.”  But he added that she has to be good-looking.  Patty K doesn’t want a butch girl.  (So he wants an athletic, pretty redhead?  HI!!!!)  Actually, Adam didn’t answer.  He was laughing too much.
LOOK!!  EVEN MORE THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH DEREK ROY!!  Although, Pat Kaleta seems to be making a case for himself…
Anyways, we take on the Bruins tonight, before a short Western Conference rendezvous with the Minnesota Wild and the Colorado Avalanche.  I’m going to miss the first period, so when I turn the game on at about 8 o’clock, I’d better not be disappointed with what I see.  Derek, that means you have to score in the first period, and Tommy, you’d better make sure that we’re not losing at that point.


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