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So I really have nothing to talk about in relation to the current Sabres, so what I am going to do is provide you with some good articles and videos, related to guys I love and love to hate.

But, if you don’t have a ton of time to actually sit around and be completely unproductive all day, like I have the luxury of doing this morning, if you have to pick and choose what you watch, I suggest Blackhawks TV for your viewing pleasure. It’s pretty much the best thing going these days.

Okay, are you ready? You sure?

Alright.


We’ll start with Michael Ryan. The Schenedtady Gazette had a nice article about his surprise of getting an AHL All-Star nod. (Yes, this is for you, MJ, but I’m not so sure you’ll appreciate it once you’ve reached the fourth paragraph… Unless that’s you?)

This next one is a commentary from this morning’s TBN, by Jerry Sullivan. Now, more often than not, I disagree with Sully, but I’ll give him credit where it’s due, and it’s definitely due today. John Brownschidle, son of NHL-er Jack, is a senior at Buffalo’s Canisius High School. What’s so special about him? He’s a cancer survivor.

I know it’s not Christmastime anymore, but the Rochester Americans in this trainwreck is just fantastic. There’s a blooper reel on the site, as well, which is always good.

Patrick Sharp: Sharp shooter? Or Sharp dressed man?

No way. Even Jonathan Toews knows that listening to him be mic’ed up is brutal.

No, actual Jon, listening to you and your teammates sing a song about the Blackhawks is brutal.

(Can you tell that I really enjoy Blackhawks TV??)

I adore Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish. Their cheeky shenanigans are fabulous. Ordering the boys breakfast? Soaking hotel rooms? Stealing bags? I just love guys who shamelessly act like they’re twelve. What’s worse is the team is encouraging it. No, really, I do love some good pranks.

The Carolina Hurricanes were told to make a dinosaur noise. Um… What?

Up close and personal with Steve Bernier? Okay, where do I sign up? Parts 1 and 2.

Oh, one more Blackhawks video. This one was on Sports Soup last night: Kris Versteeg filling in for Ludacris on Fergie’s “Glamourous.” Kris? Please keep your day job. Please.

And while we’re at it? Sean Avery? Ummm, plays with dolls? Somehow, I’m not surprised. Please, Sean, if you know what’s good for everyone, you won’t come back to hockey, and you’ll just go work at a doll store. (This video is edited a bit in some spots, as I’m sure you’ll notice, but it’s funny, nonetheless.)


I’m going to be completely honest with you, friends. I love Brian Campbell. No lie. I’ve told you that before. And it’s not just because he’s a redhead, but I’m not going to go into the depths of my attachment to him, so just know it’s there. Oh, and it’s been there for a very, very long time.

What I am willing to divulge to you, though, is my behavior last year on February 26, 2008. (And I can almost guarantee that I will act in basically the same manner if another of my favorites gets sent packing on March 4th.) I woke up that morning just like any other morning and packed my bag for school, triple checking the battery level on my MacBook. I had TSN’s TradeCenter set to my homepage on Safari, ensuring that I wouldn’t miss a thing.

I drove the 15 minutes to UB’s north campus, and was sitting in Chemistry (one of the few times I actually went before I just stopped going because I had already failed), not paying too much attention to Professor (“Winston”) Churchill, only hitting refresh continuously on my browser. Oh, and all the while, IM-ing Kim, discussing the trades and how I wasn’t too sure if I’d be able to deal if Brian left.

At 11:27 am, my heart dropped and shattered on the lecture hall floor. Literally, this is what I said to Kim: “HE’S GONE. KIMMY, HE’S GONE.”

From then on, I’m not entirely too sure what I did. I know I almost felt like crying, and thankfully I was in one of the last rows of the biggest hall on campus, and it was dark, because Winston likes to use Powerpoint.

But then I discovered Steve Bernier, and I was willing to accept him with open arms, especially with his debut in blue and gold.

Really, though? I miss them both terribly.

The one story I will always remember about Brian Campbell is highly entertaining. Well, at least it was to the 15-year-old me, before I heard about his galavanting ways.

It was late March or early April 2003, and the Dairy Queen in Kenmore had just reopened for the season. My friend and I wanted to go get some ice cream, so we walked the, oh I don’t know, maybe seven blocks down Elmwood to get some.

The topic on everyone’s mind was the SARS pandemic. But it was hitting home for Sabres fans, with roommates Rhett Warrener and Brian Campbell under house arrest/quarantine, because Campbell’s sister-in-law was showing symptoms after coming into contact with SARS patients at the Toronto hospital she worked at. They were shacked up in Warrener’s Kenmore home, not all that far from my friend’s house.

Anyways, while we were standing in line to get our ice cream, who should get in the line opposite ours? Brian Campbell and Rhett Warrener. I’m pretty sure Campbell got a twist in a dish with chocolate sprinkles.

Basically, they could have killed me. Except, neither one of them actually contracted SARS, so I guess that’s alright.

(ETA: In retrospect, I guess I didn’t really do the story justice. I just think it’s funny that, when they might have had SARS, Brian and Rhett are sneaking out of the house, disregarding regulations from the World Health Organization, to go to Dairy Queen and get their ice cream fix. Hmm.)

Even so, Brian, I’ll never boo you. Well, at least not baring unforeseen occurrences. I’m impressed at how you and your Blackhawks have done this season, and I’ll always cheer for you, as long as you’re not playing the Sabres. Hey, I drove my family nuts on New Years Day because all I wanted was for it to be 1 o’clock so that I could watch you in the Winter Classic (even though it was better when you were wearing blue and gold).

Now if we could get Steve Bernier back, I’d be a happy girl.


*****

There is a positively awesome article about Derek Roy in the TBN today, surprisingly written by Bucky Gleason. I knew there was a reason I loved Derek. I mean, for his hockey skills, not his ridiculous off-ice behavior.

*****

About tonight’s game? Well, I’m not going to be watching. I know, I know, that’s outrageous since it’s my one legit change to really watch Brian Campbell and not want him to win this season. But Kim and I are going to see Rent tonight at Shea’s. Totally worth it. So excited.

But I am taping the game, and I’ve already told all of my hockey-obsessed friends and my family not to breathe a word of a score or anything related to this game to me until I finish watching it. Yeah. We’ll see if that actually happens. Not counting on it.

I’m going to take the time this gloomy, windy Sunday afternoon in “wild Western New York” to write thank you notes while watching the Bills game, as well as write a few needed letters to deserving ones across the NHL.

Dear Derek,

I don’t know what has gotten into you, but it has got to stop. I mean, it’s bad enough that you didn’t score on Monday for my birthday, but then you completely forgot to get me a present either for my 20th or Christmas, you don’t make up for it against Washington, and then you play as terribly as you did last night to top it off? Puh-lease. Derek, I don’t know what to do about you. I figured when Kim saw you across the street from the mall on Tuesday that you were, for sure, going shopping for me, but I guess you were just indulging yourself. But just let me say this: If I find out that you were eating lots and lots of Christmas cookies and turkey, instead of tofu brownies and tofurkey, you’re in trouble Mister. And truly, if you refuse to shoot the puck–especially on a two-on-one–on Tuesday, I’m breaking up with you again. And believe me, I’ll do it.

Love, Cari

*****

Dear Tommy,

So I see you’re now on the third line… That upsets me. Not because you’re on the third line due to injury, but because you’re hurt. And it’s obvious. You weren’t taking strides if it wasn’t necessary, and you don’t seem to have that burst of intensity that you had a couple weeks ago. I’ll make you some cookies and leave them on your doorstep. Maybe that will help. But, on second thought, Ashley might not appreciate some random girl baking cookies for her man. I’ll leave that up to her, then. But seriously, though, get well soon, Tommy. The Sabres need Atlas.

xoxo, Cari

*****

To Paul and Patty K:

I saw you two last night. Paul, you looked positively smashing in your black suit. Very nice. But Pat? What was with the beanie? I mean, I know that it’s cold in the arena, and yeah, you looked cute, but still… It kind of defeats the purpose of wearing a suit and tie if you’re going to put a winter hat on indoors. Whatever, though. I still enjoyed knowing that you were sitting directly behind me.

Hoping for you speedy return, Cari

*****

Dear Portland Pirates,

I apologize that the Sabres’ injury woes have hurt your position in the standings. Because once we took Mark Mancari from you, I believe in his absence, you only won two games. Sorry. And to make it worse, we now have Nate and Tim, which is only making a difficult situation worse.

Again, sorry. ❤ Cari

*****

Dear Timmykins,

To Timmy C, I love and miss you. What’s happening? Are you still hurt? Are you dead? Have you taken up residence in Childrens’ Hospital, drawing with the children? Because that would be cute. But you could also have taken up residence at the bar at SoHo, drowning your sorrows in bottles of Skyy Vodka or Southern Comfort, and then going home with a different girl each night to disguise the pain… But I’d like to think of you as a really good human being, so I’m going to believe the former. Yeah.

To Timmy K, YAYYY!! I was so excited to read, as Kim pulled into my driveway last night, that you had been called up! And then you were in the starting lineup? Ahhhhh-mazing! I’m so proud of you, Shirley Temple! You played well last night, so we’ll see how the rest of your stay with the Sabes goes.

Fondly, Cari

*****

Dear Sidney,

You’re an asshole.

Love, Cari

*****

Dear Jay McKee,

I hope your finger can be saved. I don’t like to think of amputations, in general, but especially not when they jeopardize the career of one of my all-time favorite hockey players, let alone Sabres. I just can’t imagine a McKee-less NHL. And I don’t want to see it anytime soon.

Best wishes, Cari

*****

Taylor Pyatt,

Maybe breaking your foot will teach you to not block shots from your teammates. I’ll miss you, Bedroom Eyes.

–Cari

*****

To all hockey players,

You’d think you’d learned from Maxim Afinogenov’s mishaps… HOCKEY PLAYERS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO WARMUP BY PLAYING SOCCER. It should be banned.

Regards, Cari

I had other letters to write, but I just can’t remember them at the moment. I keep getting distracted by the sounds of tree branches snapping and the Bills game. So I’m going to go watch the game, and I’ll come back, possibly with a few more letters, tomorrow. Love…

My friends, D-Day, as NHL.com has dubbed it, is upon us.

AND MY SECOND-FAVORITE NHL TEAM HAS LET ME DOWN. Vancouver…. WHYYYYY???

If you don’t get it by now, Mats Sundin has signed with the Canucks, as and you can tell, I’m not happy about it.


NOT HAPPY AT ALL.

So, moving on, and I only have–literally–five minutes, here’s the latest installment of the Derek Roy Report, which I missed this morning, choosing to sleep a little bit more, rather than get stood up again. Turns out he actually showed up. Go figure.

Be back tomorrow, loves.

This is by no means in defense of Derek’s performance thus far in the season.  I’m very upset with him in that regard.

I DO NOT, HOWEVER BADLY HE MAY HAVE PLAYED IN THE PAST FIVE GAMES, CONDONE SHOVING HIM UNDER A BENCH!!!  That’s absolutely disgusting!  Alex Burrows, you are on my shit list.  And as I said to Kim when I realized who was being shoved under then bench, if I see you on the streets, sir, YOU ARE DONE.  Yes, that is a threat, and no, I’m not afraid of you.

Do you, Mr. Burrows, realize how dirty the floor of the bench can be?  As much as I love them, hockey players are just like any other guy–gross.  You all spit on the bench, bleed on the bench, sweat on the bench…  Need I say more?  Would you like your face shoved in that?  I didn’t think so.  So what makes you think you can shove Derek’s face into the floor?  Oh, that’s right.  You’re just jealous that he’s got an impeccable fashion sense, he’s damn good-looking, and oh, yeah, he plays for the Sabres, who are 4-0-1, comparable to your Canucks, who are 3-3-0.  It’s easy to see why you don’t like Derek because through 82 games last year, he had 81 points, but you only had 32.  Or is it because he makes $4 million a year, and you only make $483,000?  Well, whatever it is, I still hate you.

Derek didn’t deserve this from you.  A hit, sure.  Sending him flying over the boards, okay I can live with that (1, it’s pretty funny when that happens, and 2, he’s small, so it’s plausible).  But Alex, pick on someone your own size.  Derek’s 5’9″ is hardly in the same category as your 6’1″.  Why don’t you try shoving Pat Kaleta under a bench?  That might work out better for you.  And when I say for you, I mean for me.  So work on that next time we play, okay?  Great.

MOVING ALONG.

As you’re all aware, the Sabres have posted the 10 Stupid Questions on the website (well, 8 of them, at least).  And as I’ve already touched on the Mary Ann and Ginger situation (I heart Pat!!).

Cabana on the beach?  Or, a cabin in the mountains?
Cabana on the beach.  Derek, Adam, Pat, and Pat, I love you guys.  I’ll sit in a cabana on the beach with you whenever you’d like, especially if it involves a trip to Cabo!  And Ryan, I like that you chose a cabin in the mountains.  That’s pretty fun too, although I like the beach more than the woods.
Chocolate?  Or, vanilla ice cream?
Chocolate ice cream.  Ryan, again, good choice.  But I’m surprised you didn’t do a write in for Berrier Breakaway.  But that’s damn good ice cream too, while I’m on the subject.  And Patty L, you’re so cute.  You picked vanilla, which I’m not crazy about, but then you justified it by saying, “You can put a lot of stuff on vanilla ice cream.  You can put chocolate on vanilla!”
Motorboat?  Or, sailboat?
It depends…  I’ve never been on a sailboat, but I’ve always wanted to go sailing.  So I guess by default I have to say motorboat, and go along with Derek, Patty K, and Adam.  I guess Derek can take me out on Love Potion #9 sometime.
Poker?  Or, blackjack?
Blackjack.  I can’t play poker; I’ve tried.  I can never remember anything.  And I’m not necessarily good at blackjack, but it’s easy.  Patty K likes it because it’s easier for him to count.  Ryan doesn’t like blackjack because he’s bad at it, but he’s bad at poker too, but not as bad.  And Patty L picked poker..
Porsche?  Or, Mercedes Benz?
Porsche.  I don’t dislike Benzes, and this was tough for me because of all the wonderful German engineering.  Porsches are just sick though.  Give me one of those and I’ll be a very, very, very happy girl (coughcough, a black Cayenne).  Although, I’d probably take Derek’s Mercedes G55, the Kommander edition, even though it reminds me of a safari wagon.  Derek was the only one who said Benz, I believe…
Mary Ann? Or, Ginger?
Ginger.  In a completely heterosexual way, I have to pick Ginger, just because she’s got red hair.  I explained this unwritten redhead code.  Patty K was the only one on my side.
Night out?  Or, home with friends?
I have to agree with Patty K, here–it depends on the day, and it depends who I’m with.  Ryan and Derek like to go out; Patty L likes to chill at home with friends, crack open a bottle of wine, and play some cards; and for Adam, it depends on how the team did the night before.  Good answer, Adam.
Athletic?  Or, voluptuous?
Athletic, obviously.  Most guys aren’t voluptuous, anyways.  But all of the guys asked (Derek, Patty K, and Adam) said athletic.  Pat offered his opinion and added that he likes “a girl that can wear a baseball cap and go out and throw a football around.”  But he added that she has to be good-looking.  Patty K doesn’t want a butch girl.  (So he wants an athletic, pretty redhead?  HI!!!!)  Actually, Adam didn’t answer.  He was laughing too much.
LOOK!!  EVEN MORE THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH DEREK ROY!!  Although, Pat Kaleta seems to be making a case for himself…
Anyways, we take on the Bruins tonight, before a short Western Conference rendezvous with the Minnesota Wild and the Colorado Avalanche.  I’m going to miss the first period, so when I turn the game on at about 8 o’clock, I’d better not be disappointed with what I see.  Derek, that means you have to score in the first period, and Tommy, you’d better make sure that we’re not losing at that point.
(I have to put this here before I even start writing:  Blogger won’t let me upload pictures for some reason without messing them up, so I’m going to link you to the pictures, but you ABSOLUTELY MUST look at them.  It is detrimental to your health and the comprehension of my post.  Thanks!)
I have two actual hockey-related things to mention:
Steve Bernier is apparently very happy in Vancouver.  I’m happy he’s in Vancouver because then I get to see him next Friday.  But anyways, an article from THN brought this to my attention.  He’s playing on a line with the Sedin twins, which could be great, or could be terrible.  We’ll see how it plays out.  
“My time in Buffalo was short but I’m happy with what I did.”

Obviously multitudes of Buffalonians are too, Steve, because we’re still in love with you.  You had us at I’m-going-to-punch-you-in-the-face-for-hitting-Whatshisname-and-then-score-two-goals the first day we met.  I haven’t looked back.  And then, on locker clean-out day, when you said you were looking for a place, I almost suggested that you buy a house in small, quiet, close-to-the-city Kenmore, just so I could say I live in the same town as you.  And when I got my Sabres text message saying you were traded, I screamed, and I cried, which probably wasn’t a good thing, since I happened to be driving down Dodge Road in Getzville, which is 40 mph, meaning I was driving 50 mph.  Definitely could’ve ended up even worse than it did.  And to top it all off, you and Derek were becoming such good, borderline fashion-faux-pas friends.

He’s spent too much time with Derek already.


And while we’re on the subject of Derek Roy, I find it necessary to point out–YET AGAIN–that we are meant to be.  Trips to Cabo, extreme sarcasm, flashy clothes, funny face pictures, and desire to live by water aside, thanks to PA Sportsticker,  I now know that we have even more in common!  His favorite cartoon character is the Roadrunner, my favorite cartoon character is Wile E. Coyote!  SAME CARTOON!  He thinks Jessica Alba is attractive, I once said I’d go gay for her!  SAME THING.  He goes to his aunt and uncle’s house in Ottawa for dinner at Christmas, I go to my aunt and uncle’s house in Cheektowaga for dinner at Christmas.  CLOSE ENOUGH.  He has two brothers who play hockey, I have two cousins who play hockey.  Again, CLOSE ENOUGH.  THIS = FATE.  It’s indisputable.
Back to legit hockey news:
Roberto Luongo will wear a C this year, but not on his jersey; on his helmet.
Oh, wait; back to Derek:  Here’s the clip from last week’s edition of the Derek Roy Report, or whatever they call it these days.

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