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(I have to put this here before I even start writing:  Blogger won’t let me upload pictures for some reason without messing them up, so I’m going to link you to the pictures, but you ABSOLUTELY MUST look at them.  It is detrimental to your health and the comprehension of my post.  Thanks!)
I have two actual hockey-related things to mention:
Steve Bernier is apparently very happy in Vancouver.  I’m happy he’s in Vancouver because then I get to see him next Friday.  But anyways, an article from THN brought this to my attention.  He’s playing on a line with the Sedin twins, which could be great, or could be terrible.  We’ll see how it plays out.  
“My time in Buffalo was short but I’m happy with what I did.”

Obviously multitudes of Buffalonians are too, Steve, because we’re still in love with you.  You had us at I’m-going-to-punch-you-in-the-face-for-hitting-Whatshisname-and-then-score-two-goals the first day we met.  I haven’t looked back.  And then, on locker clean-out day, when you said you were looking for a place, I almost suggested that you buy a house in small, quiet, close-to-the-city Kenmore, just so I could say I live in the same town as you.  And when I got my Sabres text message saying you were traded, I screamed, and I cried, which probably wasn’t a good thing, since I happened to be driving down Dodge Road in Getzville, which is 40 mph, meaning I was driving 50 mph.  Definitely could’ve ended up even worse than it did.  And to top it all off, you and Derek were becoming such good, borderline fashion-faux-pas friends.

He’s spent too much time with Derek already.

And while we’re on the subject of Derek Roy, I find it necessary to point out–YET AGAIN–that we are meant to be.  Trips to Cabo, extreme sarcasm, flashy clothes, funny face pictures, and desire to live by water aside, thanks to PA Sportsticker,  I now know that we have even more in common!  His favorite cartoon character is the Roadrunner, my favorite cartoon character is Wile E. Coyote!  SAME CARTOON!  He thinks Jessica Alba is attractive, I once said I’d go gay for her!  SAME THING.  He goes to his aunt and uncle’s house in Ottawa for dinner at Christmas, I go to my aunt and uncle’s house in Cheektowaga for dinner at Christmas.  CLOSE ENOUGH.  He has two brothers who play hockey, I have two cousins who play hockey.  Again, CLOSE ENOUGH.  THIS = FATE.  It’s indisputable.
Back to legit hockey news:
Roberto Luongo will wear a C this year, but not on his jersey; on his helmet.
Oh, wait; back to Derek:  Here’s the clip from last week’s edition of the Derek Roy Report, or whatever they call it these days.


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