When I opened my mailbox Tuesday evening, I was excited to find my new issue of The Hockey News, for some unknown reason…  Oh, wait, TRAINING CAMP STARTS FRIDAAAAYYYY!!  Anyways, the individual team reports were focused on the summer vacations of players, coaches, whomever.  Let us read:


Atlanta:  “Garnet Exelby ate black ink octopus risotto and he’s got the photo to prove it.”

My question?  Who the hell cares?

Boston:  “…[Zdeno] Chara traveled to Africa this summer, visiting Mozambique before hiking 18,650 feet up Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.” 
My question?  Why would you subject yourself to such torture?  I mean, come on, you’re already practically that tall, but go for it man.  All the more power to ya.

Buffalo:  “The Sabres coach [Lindy Ruff] got a chance to caddy on the PGA tour for longtime friend and golf professional Dudley Hart.”
My question?  Did he get paid?  And did he supply Dudley with a Happy Gilmour-esque putter, much like Derek Roy used recently?  (I would post the picture, but I can’t find it)

Dallas:  “Sean Avery spent hours pondering the outfit he would wear to his Dallas Stars introduction press conference in August and settled on an unstructured suit of madras plaid with short pants and red leather dress shoes.”


My question?  Yes, I will admit that I am envious of him because he had an internship with Men’s Vogue magazine, but what the hell did he do to deserve this internship, and how the hell can someone like him still play hockey when he admitted that he doesn’t really watch any other sport or ANY OTHER HOCKEY GAME???  Nothing, and I have no idea.  Is he ridiculous?  Borderline homosexual?  I definitely think so.

Florida:  “[Tanner] Glass was afforded a rare opportunity of a different sort when he visited his girlfriend in eastern Africa, where she was working as a nurse for an HIV/AIDS awareness organization called Project Soccer.”
My question?  Okay, so I know Kim and I used to make fun of you when we went to Amerks games because you’re actually really good looking, but you have terrible hands, but who the hell knew you were such a sweetheart?  Major props because your girlfriend is a good person.

St. Louis:  “[Cam] Janssen and his friends that the boat to the Meramec and Mississippi rivers in Missouri.  They often go exploring in the woods.  ‘One time, we found a cave,’ Janssen said.  ‘There was a sleeping bag in there and a fire still burning.  We found the guy on a sandbar.  He looked like Charles Manson.  We asked him if he was alright and he just walked back into the woods.”
My question?  If he looks like Charles Manson, and he’s living in some remote cave in a wooded area off of a large river, WHY THE HELL DID YOU TALK TO HIM AND PRACTICALLY INVITE HIM ONTO YOUR BOAT?!?  Are you absolutely insane?  You’re just asking to end up the victim of a serial killer.

San Jose:  “In August, [Jeremy] Roenick bolstered his acting resume with a role in Leverage, a new TNT TV series…  Roenick said he has friends in the industry, one of whom ‘casts me in as many things as he can because he wants me to be an actor when I’m done playing hockey.”
My question?  Am I being a bit far-fetched when I go out on a limb and say I don’t think JR will have too great of a career in acting?  I’m not too sure, so I guess I’ll have to watch Leverage.

Those were the highlights.  There were a lot of weddings mentioned, but no one of great importance or interest.  Vinny Lecavalier rehabed, as did many others (no riding camels for him this off-season), and there were a lot of baseball-related activities.  Mark Bell served his community service by picking up garbage and doing landscaping.  Meanwhile, I had a relatively uneventful summer; I didn’t go anywhere further than Rochester or Toronto, and didn’t really do anything fun, unless work falls under that category, and last time I checked, it definitely did not.

And there was a small interview with Drew Stafford; in it he mentioned that he has roomed with Clarke MacArthur and Daniel Paille, who, by the way, are both “great, but Derek Roy?  It was all about him.  Damn straight, it’s all about him.  And can I just say how envious I am of Drew???  Well, I’m about as envious as one can get, times infinity.  And then he had to throw in a shameless plug for Invisible Children’s CD (WHICH IS FINALLY OUT!), called “Pralien.”  He considers it the best album of all time.  Click here for more info.

SIGHTING!!!  Mike Comrie (gag) and Hilary Duff were spotted at the Yankees/White Sox game last night, looking all (and by all, I mean not at all) cute.

And there was something else, but in my furious studies of sociology, anatomy, and nutrition, I seem to only be able to think of medical ailments.  How depressing, considering that fact that I don’t think I mentioned training camp, WHICH STARTS FRIDAY!!  Oh, wait, my bad.  That was the first thing I said.  I just wanted to be sure you didn’t forget.  =]
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