So after spending the last hour talking to Cari on the phone because we haven’t seen each other in 2 days, seriously I don’t know how I survive without her, we read something that depressed us both. According to if Mark Mancari and Clarke MacArthur don’t make the team out of training camp we could be bidding them both a long farewell as they would have to clear waivers in order to be sent back to Portland. This is also true for Nathan Paetsch if he loses his spot on the blueline to Mike Weber he would have to clear waivers also.

After learning this information we then proceeded to talk to each other like we were five years old and our favorite pet had just died. Which speaking of pets I feel the need to mention that Cari named her first three fish who died after, you guessed it, these three . I’m noticing a disturbing trend here. Cari, no more naming your fish after hockey players anymore…

The aforemention fish were named Mr. Muscles, Sparky and Mohawk because Cari couldn’t just give them normal names. Instead she decided to use the affectionate nicknames for the aforementioned player. So children now comes story time…

If any of you watched the AHL All-Stars Skills Competition you probably have noticed that Mark broke an AHL record for fastest slapshot at 102.8mph. In the interview that followed this feat of strength the interviewer decided to refer to Mark as Mr. Muscles and Cari being Cari decided to henceforth refer to Mark as such. So Cari once again being Cari named her first fish Mr. Muscles.

The name Sparky which refers to Clarke MacArthur comes from the movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation which Cari decided to watch before partaking in a Sabres game. In a stroke of genius when Clarke was mentioned Cari thought of Ellen’s nickname for Clark in the movie, Sparky, and now refers to Clarke as such, which she once again decided to name her fish.

Mohawk is Nathan Paetsch because for a short period of time Nathan could be seen sporting a mohawk which made Cari love him even more so she just HAD to name her last fish Mohawk. FYI: Derek Roy has been sporting a fauxhawk hence one of the reason why Cari has a SMALL obsession with him.

So now you know something about our pathetic lives which we spend making up equally pathetic nicknames for our favorite players:

  • Maxim Afinogenov is Maxi when he’s doing good, and Maxi Pad when he’s doing bad.
  • Tim Connolly we refer to as Timmy-Ho because he’s a confirmed man-whore or T-Con.
  • Paul Gaustad is Goose for more obvious reasons.
  • Jochen Hecht is Yoyo.
  • Patrick Lalime and Craig Rivet are both Newbie.
  • Toni Lydman and Henrik Tallinder together are known as Nickel and Dime, apart we don’t have a nickname for Lydman but Henrik is Hank the Tank.
  • Adam Mair is The Pacifier because he has to make sure the ‘little ones’ stay in line.
  • Ryan Miller we just call Ryan because we’re suddenly on a first name basis.
  • Daniel Paille is the Man Child (thanks MJ) because he looks like he’s 12.
  • Andrew Peters is Twinkle Toes because he seems to like to dance during fights instead of actually hitting something.
  • Jason Pominville is refered to as JT because he bears a scary resemblance, when sporting his aviator sunglasses, to Justin Timberlake.
  • Derek Roy is Shawty for obvious reasons.
  • Andrej Sekera is Reggie because that’s what the rest of the team calls him.
  • Jaroslav Spacek is the Caveman because I think we’d all be afraid to trust him around small animals and children for fear he’d eat them.
  • Drew Stafford is Rockstar because he’s in a band.
  • Thomas Vanek is Tommy because for some reason we think it’s cute.

So as you can see we neither have lives nor want them deal with it.